Hosea

I moved to South Dakota almost two years ago now and it’s honestly so insane to wrap my mind around! I’ve been thinking about it a lot though, since I have two hours alone in the car for my work commute  during the week. Something that has a habit of coming to my mind pretty consistently in each season I’ve gone through in the past two years is the book of Hosea in the Old Testament.

In a nutshell, Hosea is this guy who God tells to “marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her.” And he does. He ends up finding this woman named Gomer, who doesn’t change her ways even after having children with this dude! God tells him to go and love her even though she was unfaithful. ...because that is how God saw the Israelites even though they turned to other gods and practiced their new moon festivals. I don’t know about you, but before I read this story, I thought the God of the Old Testament was a God of punishment and rage. Loving someone who doesn’t deserve it though? Despite repeated offenses? That FLOORS me.

So when I read it first, I thought, wow this is awesome! It doesn’t matter what I’ve done. People should just forgive me. Haha. I mean, yeah, in a perfect world? Maybe. But that’s not the point. That was the first layer I saw of this story. It was just an example for me to see that God is an unconditionally loving God. Obviously God isn’t saying go out and do whatever, or that what you’ve done doesn’t matter. He is showing a radical kind of love though. In this world, sometimes one wrong is all it takes (or who you vote for) in order for a person to complety be done with you. It’s very much conditional. (I’m absolutely not saying to stay in friendships or relationships that are physically or emotionally abusive though, run clear in the other direction from those.)

The next layer I worked through, was my Christian walk and how that came about. I was really reminiscent of a family that showed me what it was like to be a follower of Jesus and often thought, wow, if it wasn’t for them I would’ve never this..never that. Never gone to church, never read the Bible. At that point I wasn’t thinking of how big God is. He’s like, really big, y’all. And super capable and enough for you.

“She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold-which they used for Baal.” -Hosea 2:8

What I didn’t understand was that it was God all along that was providing so abundantly for me. Not people. He lavished me when I didn’t deserve it, and loved me despite my wandering heart. This was kind of an aha moment a few months after I read it for the first time. I think what drew me to this story was how much junk this girl carried, and still, God persued her. I always thought you had to be a saint or that you had to have it all figured out to be used by God. Nah, if anything, he uses some pretty messed up people for some pretty extraordinary things, which constantly gives me encouragement in a weird way.

More recently God has revealed an even deeper layer of this story to me. A group of girls and I are going through a book called Captivating, and in a chapter called Romanced we learn about how God draws us to himself. Hosea was quoted in a way I hadn’t seen it before, and the author explains how God thwarts our efforts to find life apart from him. Now..if you really think about it, it seems super harsh. This unconditionally loving God is going to thwart me?

“therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.” (2:6-7)

Ummmmm wait that actually sounds super harsh, right? But then again, does a parent who lets their child do whatever they want sound like a very loving parent? I mean, a child doesn’t have the cognitive ability to see the bigger picture, and so I would argue that isn’t very loving at all. What comes next though is really something else.

“therefore I am going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.” (2:14)

Before I moved here, my heart was in such a dark place. No effort of my own or of others seemed to help either. This place was my desert. Especially east river SD(lol). I knew no one and my heart was aching over all that I had been pulled away from. At first it was my idea to move here(I am going to allure her), or so I thought. Everyone was doing cool things with their lives and I thought I needed to be doing the same. Getting away from my hometown. Anywhere but there. And then here I was in a foreign place and it was a lot scarier than how I pictured it. But it was here that I found fellowship with people who really knew God, who desired to show me what he truly was like (and speak tenderly to her). He had to block my path, draw me out, so I could understand what he had been saying the whole time. He had to strip away every piece of my I held so dear. And GOSH did that hurt.

A good friend, Madison Hart, brought in a devotional to bible study one night and read a little to us about a potter and a tea cup. At first it was just clay, and when the potter slapped it on the wheel, it screamed in pain, “ouch! You threw me down! Why would you do that?” And the Potter just kept on. He added water and began to push, and even more the clay felt pain, ouch you are hurting me, moving me around this way! Still he kept on. Soon he pulled the clay up, creating a vessel, but also causing a great deal of pain in growth. Finally when he was finished the clay sighed a sigh of relief. Thank goodness that’s over. Until he took him to the oven. He screamed and cried, it’s too hot in here, I can’t take it, please let me out! And the potter persisted. Finally he took him out and began to paint the cup. It felt nice and he felt beautiful. And then, again, the potter took him to the oven. Not again! Please don’t! He cried about the heat, the pain. And when he emerged from the oven, a beautiful cup painted so delicately was radiant and the cup understood.

God had to drag me out of where I was so I could look back and understand what he had in store for me. I’m still processing through all of this, and I’m sure there are things I’m missing now that He will show me later on. The growing pains and the heat often feel like just too much for me to handle. Please God, can you make this end? And I receive nothing. Prayers I’ve prayed for years. Nothing. And yet, each time I go through pain, I emerge understanding just a little bit more. I hope you begin to see this too. For now, just rest in knowing that it’s in the broken that God can do the most work. All it takes is a willing heart, and sometimes that isn’t something we can just manifest, he has to thwart our stubborn hearts to woo us. And man does He provide if only you knock on his door and trust.

Praying that your adventures are meaningful and that you glorify God wherever you are, and that he shows up for you big time today.

💕mags.

how to be yours

So a couple weeks back I stumbled across this song called "How to Be Yours" by Chris Renzema (listen here). I fell in love with this song because it felt like it was written specifically for me in this season of my life. This summer weather has been pulling me out of the ten-ish month slump I've been in which has been awesome. I think God really uses the tough times to teach us about him and ourselves though, so I thought I'd share what I've been learning. 

 In my feelings inadequacy, I've distanced myself from God and things associated with Him, because I haven't felt like I was enough. Rather than living in the promised land that I have full access to, I've been wandering in the desert on my own accord. That's where this song comes in. Each of the verses (except for the last) seem to be from the believer's point of view talking to God. It starts off with a little piano melody that sounds like a sweet hymn you'd hear in someone's grandparents church, and then it hits you with these heavy few lines: 

you say that you love me

don't say that you love me

cause I don't know how to be yours

you say that you want me

don't say that you want me

cause I don't know how to be yours

Now, its not like I've not listened to people tell me my whole life that God loves me. I've heard it plenty. However, I think my concept of love has been skewed for a long time. How I've seen love work in my life is a way that is very much conditional. As long as you do what everyone wants you to do and don't mess up, then you will be loved by your friends and family. The problem with this though, is that I projected this kind of "love" onto God. I thought if I went through all the motions of being a "good Christian" then he would love me. I don't want him to say that he loves me, or that he wants me, because I don't think I deserve it. I've blown it too many times. I can't keep up on my own. Because I can't accept the grace he pours out, I feel like I don't know how to belong to him because I don't accept this love because I think I didn't do anything to earn it. My default is not holy or righteous so I try my hardest to gain his approval, and beat the crap out of myself when I don't measure up.

The enemy wants us in this place of striving, y'all. He wants you running around in circles working your little heart to death trying to be nice enough, loving enough, funny enough, etc, so that you are so focused on yourself that you lose sight of the only one who could ever be all of those things perfectly.

"there is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God...therefore no one will be declared righteous in God's sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin"                    Romans 3:11,20

What I have to remind myself of every day is that this grace thing isn't a one and done kinda thing. He knows that even in today's repentance, you will break his heart again a little tomorrow. But guess what? You are still as precious in his sight today in whatever you've done as you were before you ever thought an evil thought. I don't mean to encourage disobedience to him, but rather to become more aware of it so that through loving God, obedience to him will come as just as a product of following him. To become more aware of our need for him to help us along the way.

The next part of the song fits hand in hand with the beginning when facing difficulty accepting grace:

I still act like an orphan I guess

and my hard heart breaks to confess

that even while you hold me

as I cry on the floor

I still don't know how to be yours

 And its true. I act like an orphan. A lot of times I'll sit and pity myself in my struggles, whether it be financial, relational, or spiritual, as if I wasn't a daughter of the King who himself breathed the stars. As if I wasn't an heir to the kingdom as his child. Coming from a family who doesn't have a whole lot of extra, I put this human characteristic on God when it comes to inheritance. I forget all the time that I can confidently ask my Father for what I need in Jesus' name and he will provide for me and plus some. What we will receive from God as his children though far surpasses fine rings and plots of land.

And still, it hurts when I have to tell God that the mistake I've made over and over. I love the rawness of this song. I think it puts words to the actual struggle we have in this world we don't belong in. At least for me it does. Its not all Sunday school kicks and giggles. Its people hating you because you follow Jesus. Its family alienating themselves from you, but being comforted because before you suffered, Jesus suffered for the same things, but even worse. Its forgetting that grace covers you and forgetting your identity in Christ and then reminding yourself again. Its an unseen warfare that is going on all around us. Andddd that's when my favorite of the song comes in speaking from perspective of our loving Father to his children:

So love me or hate me 

I'm not going anywhere

leave me or take me

you still bare my signature

know me or not

seen or forgot

I'm not walking out on you.

I can just imagine God speaking these words tenderly to the world. He gives us the choice to love him or hate him, yet he will never go anywhere. And still, even though we bare the signature of our creator, he will never force us to follow him. Gently and softly he will call for you, never ever walking out on you. How rare a love like this.

So, if you got this far, let me be a reminder for you today:

• stop trying so hard, kid. you are awesome and unique and beautiful.

• seek after Him first, then all the rest will fall into place. 

• even if you choose not to follow him, he will never walk out on you.

• know that true love is unconditional, that God is love, and that God loves you.

Okay, I'm done. :) Have a swell day, love. 

Mags. 

grace sweet like honey

About a year and a half ago I moved from Northwest Arkansas to Western South Dakota. In the weeks leading up to moving though, I was getting ready to take finals, packing my things, and saying lots of goodbyes. One goodbye, however, hit me harder than the rest. On the eve of my Geology final, I laid curled into a ball on my bed as my mother comforted me. With swollen eyes and a tear streaked face, I felt completely defeated. A relationship I had been in for three years suddenly came to an abrupt end. It felt like a punch to the gut, but I couldn't shake the shortness of breath that followed. I was somewhat anticipating this end, but the realness of it in this moment made it seem like a rug had just been ripped out from under me.

It was on this night, about a week or two after the breakup, that it sunk in. Everything I had been gripping onto so tightly had escaped from my grasp. It was real this time and I knew it. No getting back together. It broke me. I had no clue how to cope. I resorted to watching cheesy "you'll get back together" videos from unqualified people on YouTube. Yikes y'all. Poor Mags. HAHA. (I was actually pretty pitiful but I promise this gets better) I was an uncollected mess of tears who had her heart broken for the very first time.

Now, for some reason, in this moment I felt this anger at every Christian I had ever remembered to be content (and even joyous) in times of extreme pain and hurt. How could they detach from reality so easily? It felt almost like negligence to me. Like they didn't care about anything. At the same time though, I envied their ability to find comfort amidst such sorrow. How was it possible?Frustrated, I turned on one of the few Christian songs I knew at the time in search of something. I guess you could say that comfort is what I longed for. I wanted God, if He was really there, to take the pain away from me immediately. That was when I heard these sweet words:

all these pieces
broken and scattered
in mercy gathered
mended and whole
empty handed 
but not forsaken 

I've been set free.

amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
but now I am found
was blind but now I see

I had heard this song before, but in this moment the words penetrated my soul so deeply I could do nothing but sob and talk (very awkwardly) to God. Well, it was probably more of "thinking" words to him. (Oh to see what His face must've looked like in this moment!) I was at a place in my life where I was somewhat drawn into people who loved the Lord. I was shown the way you ought to look and think, but it all sounded like a bunch of rules to make my life miserable. My feet were so tightly ensnared by lies from the world that nothing anyone could say would change this heart of stone. The enemy had me comfortable in a position of passiveness.  No free cup of coffee at a fun modern church could save me or make me think differently. I had no clue how to approach God with my sin problem. No cell in my body desired to change or let go of the world. It wasn't fulfilling me, but it numbed the bad I had already done. I was putting band-aids on bullet wounds.  Admitting how bad it was just didn't appeal to me. I didn't want to be punished by a tyrant God who I feared judgement from.

Hearing the words "that saved a wretch like me," gave me a glimpse into this idea of "grace" that I had no concept of. I learned that God is rich in kindness and slow to anger. I somehow slipped learning that part in Sunday school. Or forgot. *shrug* (I've always loved definitions and looking up words so I'll just put this here:)


grace (noun):

-the free and unmerited favor of God
-good that we receive despite our undeservingness 


These words were (and are) like honey to me. Sweet and never perishing. (Yeah, who knew honey never goes bad! Same w/ grace y'all. Boom.)

So here I was at this crossroads. I knew what my sin brought me and I wasn't feeling too great about that result. I didn't know much about what Jesus would bring me, but I heard that He would never leave me or stop loving me. Fresh on my heart, I longed for the kind of love that would never leave or stop loving me. After asking my mom to leave, I sat in the fetal position on my bed. I finally quit trying to grip onto everything. I let go. I surrendered to Him. The Spirit washing over me, I declared in the eyes of only God (and my stuffed bear) that Jesus was, is, and will forever be, Lord.

He turned this heart of stone to a heart of flesh.

In that pivotal moment, I understood that Jesus came for me. To love me as I am. Right now. Broken and undeserving but longing to know Him. You see, the whole time I was seeing  Christians who had been walking with the Lord for so long and thought, "that could never be me. I'm too broken." I was also too prideful to admit I knew so little about the Bible and Jesus. If you think any of those things, let me tell you today, Jesus didn't come for those who have it all together and figured out. He came for you and me. He came in reckless pursuit of you and loves you in all your brokenness. A movie (Heart of Man) I watched recently puts it, "nothing so dead God can't bring back to life."

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
 the new creation has come: 
the old has gone, the new is here!                             <BLESS UPPPPP! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Too prideful to admit it then, but proudly I say now that I'm glad that boy broke my heart. The Lord used that time to introduce me to the true love of my life. Jesus set me free. And what the Son sets free, is free indeed. How truly amazing is His grace is.

This is only a snippet of my walk with Christ, but its been on my heart to share just a little so here it is. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed day, whoever you are. You are loved immeasurably.

<3 Mags.

p.s. 11/10 would recommend trusting in Jesus.

Hi. Hello. If you somehow managed to creep far enough and find my blog, thank you. And, also, sorry. Congrats though, the only person more creepy than me is you since you found this. (Hi, mom.) My grammar isn't super stellar, nor do I care enough to make it perfect. So if you are Erin Lorraine Broberg, an english major, or the like, please, please, go easy on me. I know I use commas inappropriately, but I make semi-decent latte art so cut me some slack.  And I like to think I'm cute so the rules don't apply. Mmkay? K. 


Its been suggested to me by more than one person that I start doing this blog thing. Usually I don't listen to advice, but I'm trying to be a less crappy person so I'm starting with this. It might be a little cheesy and over-sharey, but I myself am cheesy and over-sharey by nature, so here goes. 


(Note a the theme that will probably connect all of my posts together: "you're most likely gonna regret this") 


Once, my dad, a lifelong (and damn good)...(s'cuse the french) salesman of many things, asked me, "do you know when the best day to sell a car is?" Of course I thought too hard about the answer and said something like, "Friday.. or... payday!" And he chuckled and said, "no, Margaret, my dear. Today is the best day to sell a car." 
So, as I do with many things, I will take wisdom out of context, convince myself I'm right, and say what better time to start than now! That is why today, April 12, 2018, I write my first blog post,right before finals and thirty minutes before my next class! ;)


This semester(and last), I have been more of a hot mess than I have ever been. For instance, I recently ran out of gas two days in a row. Two weeks ago I left my windows open the night before it snowed 8 inches, and last night left my windows open before it rained.  Last month, I sat on the 32 oz root beer a strange man bought me at the gas station because I was fumbling around for quarters in my wallet for too long. Also very recently I accidentally layed on my horn at a kid crossing the street in front of me on his bike. Oh yeah, and I might've creeped on a cute boy and accidentally followed a couple of people in his family on insta. AND I've consistently spilled coffee on myself everyday.*shrug emoji* I know. I'm a mess. 


Basically, I feel like Jess from the first episode of New Girl when she first moves in and watches Dirty Dancing and freaks out all her new roommates. So you could say I might not be the most emotionally stable to do something like this, but its pretty funny so I'll let you in. A little. 

Thanks if you read this far. See you soon. Or not. You just do you. 

Love, Mags.